Yesterday was another tough day ...so I wrote about it. Privately. It helps me navigate through this difficult Long Covid experience. Usually I keep my rants private, but my partner Jenny's very heartfelt post yesterday ( unknown to me) inspired me to share what I wrote with the FB world.
Here’s a section from her post ...
“This is why you really do not want to risk getting Covid or passing it on to anyone else. This could happen to you. It is totally random and it is disabling people of all ages on a long-term basis.
I feel impotent to help him.
I feel frustrated.
I feel so sad to watch him suffering.
And, on bad days like today, I also get really angry that so many people are still being so casual about this virus and not understanding that it can completely f++k up your life.“
So, my post here is not a cry for help or support - it's a bit of a rant - but I sincerely hope that it helps people to understand what Covid can lead to. I also hope that it may help you to understand what it’s like for anyone you know who has Long-Covid, and “they look ok” , and you just want them to “pull up their socks” and get on with their lives” !
Day 407 after entry into the LongCovid Universe.
"Something has happened to me. Somehow, after being infected, I have lost my strength of will and body. For 13 months. Everything has become more and more difficult."
…. After 407 days or 13 months of entering the Long-Covid Galaxy I am sooooooooo tired of the frustration, the hopelessness, the helplessness, the tiredness and pain all over my body, the tight chest and starving for oxygen lungs. I exist within a whole new world, which brings up so many emotions, hurts my body and challenges my mind. There are many days when I want to fall – far and long – into a Black Hole. There are other days when I can clearly see the Central Sun and it’s warmth, but I can’t get close enough to find my way HOME.
Then I see humans talking about 'the conspiracy' or 'Governments are taking our freedom' – and I just want to SCREAM - "STOP IT !"
It's the virus that's taking our 'freedom' - you idiot ! It's taking the "freedom" of millions of people who were healthy and strong beforehand. Like me. Worse, it has taken and continues to take the lives of millions of people. Like you. Like me.
You and me, we’re in this together, even if we seem to be aliens to each other at times. Have you forgotten the words “we” and “us” ? Are you reacting to these new rules like a 3 year old child who is shouting “What about ME? I want to go out and play regardless of any social, community and collective consequences to other life forms”
That’s what it looks like from here, lying in my bed, looking out at the world - from a place of deep despair at the inability of some people to see beyond their own ignorance of the other. Along with millions of people, and more to come, the invitation of Jesus to “LOVE ONE ANOTHER” seems dead too.
BUT … if you’re one of those people who seem to be anti-everything vaccine/government/restrictions related, I ask that you turn your remarkable mind which is soooo convinced of what DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU, to a solution that WILL WORK FOR US and help us all on this planet.
IF you have some better way, let’s hear it. IF YOU HAVE THE ANSWER as to how NOT to have hospitals overstretched when a virus sweeps the world, PLEASE tell the world how to solve it, because I for one would love to hear a solution. And while we’re at it - IF YOU HAVE A SOLUTION FOR LONG COVID - which continues to baffle the best minds in the best research Institutes around the world - let’s have that too. It would help millions of us.
However, I suspect you don’t have any solutions to offer. I have yet to see any of the 'anti-everything' cohort to offer a cohesive and persuasive methodology to control this virus. People seem to forget that hospitals CANNOT help if everyone gets sick at the same time. Have you forgotten that this virus has already overwhelmed the health system in many countries around the world, and will do so again - unless people have manageable symptoms which means they don’t need hospital care. And so the vaccines DO work, but not in a way that we though they would. And by the way I” don’t like being restricted either. No one “likes” it.
It seems to me that the choice for people is still like this..
.."Ok, you can be healthy and feel great, but we have to restrict your social activity while this virus passes through the population”
or ( and this is what some people seem to want)
"Everything will stay as it was, and you can all party and drink and eat and celebrate your 'freedom' with lots of other “freedomers” ... while our hospitals are full, totally over stretched, resulting in lots of people dying from lack of oxygen, lack of care and facilities - and millions more struggling for years with Long Covid. Oh, and by the way, it’s very likely that you or someone close to you, will be a statistic soon. This virus is very random and indiscriminate , no matter how much you believe that (a) it doesn’t exist (b) your immune system is too strong for it or even (c) God/your angels will protect you.”
But hey, you have your "freedom" (subtext: the rest of us are unimportant) and that's all that matters !**¬!
There. Got it out. Rant over ..and my depression has now lifted a little by feeling the righteous anger.
“Poor me” is gone. Hopeful and balanced Eoin is back.
Now for living a day at a time. In my Long-Covid Galaxy. With my aching body, foggy mind and swirling emotions.
To the meditation mat I go ….
To give thanks for this day, for LIFE, but not as we know it …..