THIS ..... IS YOUR JOURNEY
IT WILL HAPPEN SOMETIME.
MAYBE IN THIS LIFETIME. MAYBE IN ANOTHER.
YOU GET TO CHOOSE.
BUT KNOW THIS - IT HAS TO HAPPEN.
IT WILL HAPPEN. YOU CANNOT STOP EVOLUTION.
You know that something isn’t right in your life.
You start to wonder how you got to be this way, in this situation. You remember a time when it was different, maybe when you were younger, when you were so vibrant, so open, so curious - and you long for this again …. this “something.”
Is it FREEDOM? FULFILMENT? LOVE? MEANING? You’re not sure, but you know that something needs to change. It’s like an itch that won’t go away.
You start searching. In strange places. You investigate stuff you never would have looked at a few years back. You question everything you’ve ever believed. Slowly, you start to (metaphorically) walk away from the so-called “normal world” – which, at a later stage, you see as the “insane world” which has become normalised for may people. But not you. You know you’re searching for something, but you’re not sure what is. Some things in your life fall apart – but you don’t stop searching. You’re on a mission. You think maybe you’re searching for God, even though you doubt the whole concept of God.
Your life is changing on the outside too, because some things that used to be normal for you just aren’t normal anymore. They don’t feel right. Things like blaming others - they just don’t feel ok now. They feel wrong in some way. They’re “off” – a word you find yourself using more and more. You can’t stand pretence. You want deeper connections. You long to be happy. You want to experience deep peace. You crave for love, but you don’t know how to get it. Where is it?
You get some coaching or healing. You have some AHA moments. Your habits change too.
People are worried about you, because you don’t fit in anymore. You make a big decision, maybe about your career or a relationship, and it feels great to you – but other people question what you’re doing. They don’t get it. It scares them, and some may even be secretly jealous of you, but of course, they don’t say that.
Your old friends and some of your family don’t get “you” anymore – because the old you is disappearing. Something new is being born, and yes, like all births, it’s a bit of a struggle sometimes. But you understand that it’s got to be this way – for a while. Maybe for a few years. Somehow it’s ok.
You realise that you need help, but you’re not sure what kind of help. Somehow you’re led to this person, that person, that group, that workshop – and you start finding your way. It feels like you’re going home, or is it coming home?
You hear people talking about stuff like energy and chakras and healing, and you have more one-to-one therapies every month. You may get counselling. You cry a lot. You feel lots of anger too, and guilt, and shame, and disappointment. In fact, you can’t believe how much you feel. It’s as if your feeling world has never been open for business before this. Some of the feelings are incredibly strong, and you follow them too far, and you make mistakes - BUT you find your way back! Friends come and go, and that’s ok. You have a few close friends by now, people who really get you, and that feels great!
Sometimes, its really difficult for you, and you feel as if your life is in chaos – but again, you know that’s part of the process. It’s financially challenging, but you've deepened your ability to trust, so, despite it all, you stay committed to the path. You nay move house, lose friends, fall out with family. You go away on retreats, and every time you come back changed. You begin to meditate regularly, you make friends with your Inner Critic, and you learn to spot your “Poor Me” thinking.
You hear yourself using phrases that you used to laugh at – like The Divine Feminine or even The Genital Heart Pathway. You find yourself drawn to certain practices that gradually integrate into your life. Some are changes in the type and quality of food that you put into your body. Some are spiritual meditation practices that just “work” for you.
YOU UNDERSTAND that you’ve often sabotaged your own journey in the past. You know that you’ve abandoned your truth on many occasions, usually due to fear. You begin to take full responsibility for all of the choices you’ve made, and you become accountable to yourself, and reliable for those around you.
You start to really enjoy being healthy in your body, with an open heart and a quiet mind. Your spirit is much lighter now, so you can move and change easily. You don’t drag the past around with you, cos it’s a drag. You’ve left bits of you past behind you, and, piece by piece, you rebuild your inner world. As you do so, your outer world mirrors back to you all the wonderful work you've done.
You think maybe you’ve been looking for your purpose in life, because everyone says that’s important. But something in you isn’t sure about that. You suspect that, perhaps, this journey IS the PURPOSE.
You start to have a lot of fun – for no reason. You experience deep PEACE a lot of the time. You can’t explain it with your head, but you KNOW it. You KNOW peace. You KNOW wisdom. It’s not in any book, so you don’t know where you got it from. But it’s there, inside you. You touch BLISS AND JOY quite often now – and usually it’s for no REASON at all. It just arrives. It’s like you’ve removed all the barriers to THE GOOD STUFF, which was inside you all the time.
Life on your INSIDE is getting better all the time. Sure, you have challenges, but now you see them as your best friends. Every time you feel yourself CLOSING or FEARFUL OR JUDGEMENTAL you know there’s more gold to be found – inside you - and you have the wisdom to find it. And if you don’t find it by yourself, you’re happy to ask for help - something you would never have done in the past. You’re not afraid to be open, and to ask for support.
People seem to know that you’ve found something – and they want to have what you have. You can’t tell them what it is, but you can guide them to it. You know you’re no guru, because you know that everyone has the same capacity as you. All the same, you love helping people to free themselves. It feels natural.
Your life on the OUTSIDE starts to catch up with your life on the INSIDE. All the work you’ve done, all the healing you’ve experienced, the years and years of effort and dogged determination – begin to pay off. You’re healthy. Some even say radiant. Most people can’t believe what age you are!
You’re living somewhere that fills you with joy. You spend time with people that you love. Your work isn’t “work” – it’s what you absolutely LOVE . You have a stream (or streams) of income that somehow is always enough - and you’ve learned to trust that deeply. You wake up one day and you think of the lines of that song “How did I get here?” – and you know that there’s another type of Intelligence that’s been guiding you all the time. It’s not outside you, like the old fashioned God you grew up with. It’s not all inside you either. It’s like you have a connection now to something deeper, something that’s fundamental to life itself, fundamental to you. Maybe it is life itself!
Maybe LIFE has been guiding you, because your ego is out of the way, and you’ve been listening. Maybe, finally, you’re wide awake now. Maybe you’ve been awakened … to your Deep Self. You didn't wake yourself up - that would give you too much credit! But something woke you up, and you’re not “SEPARATE FROM” that something.
It’s hard to explain, but then you remember an old Zen story you came across a long time ago - and you know it’s pretty close to describing the Journey. (Ignore the word God – its just a label for something way beyond our capacity to understand mentally.)
The disciple went to visit the Master. He had a question.
“How does one seek union with God?”
“The harder you seek, the more distance you create between Him and you.”
“So what does one do about the distance?”
“Understand that it isn’t there.”
“Does that mean that God and I are one?”
“Not one. Not two.”
“How is that possible?”
“The sun and its light, the ocean and the wave, the singer and his song – not one. Not two.”
(C) Eoin Scolard 2018/9